Things that make me Happy- in no particular order

Black coffee in the morning when everything is quiet.

Sitting on my balcony and watching the world go by.

Having one day a week that I get to stay in pajamas if I choose.

Tetris.

Toast with peanut butter and bananas.

Sunsets on the ocean.

Collecting things on the beach.

Having Sunday brunch with my closest friends.

The feeling of immense relief after crying your soul out from all the frustration.

The smell of lavendar.

Laughing with my best friend on the phone for hours.

The anticipation of travelling somewhere new.

My dog cuddled into my armpit while I'm sleeping.

Yellow Tail Shiraz.

The feeling of total freedom riding a motorcycle on a sunny day.

Waking up to watch the sunrise and then going back to bed.

Turning off my cell phone and escaping into my favorite show or book.

Realising I am stronger than I think I am.

Being barefoot.

Camping.

The random and rare times you catch something truly beautiful on film.

Care pacakages from home.

Looking at maps and atlases.

My Nana's homemade bread.

Japanese street fashion.

Riding a wave.

The comfort of my parents home.

Windchimes.

My Escape from Reality

I've been watching Grey's Anatomy lately non-stop. I used to watch it years ago, but then they stopped playing here in Korea. So I had to start from Season 1 all over again, and catch up to Season 5. I'm almost at the finale now.

It's kind of my escape from reality. It's sad in a comforting way. I love how neurotic and dysfunctional they all are. it makes me feel better about my life. and I love the music soundtrack. brilliant. I've discovered so many great artsit from watching this show.

There was a great quote in the episode I just watched : "Trauma messes everyone up. But maybe that's the point: All the pain and the fear and the crap; maybe going through that is what keeps us moving forward, it's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up".

Re-do

I had to delete my post from last night out of respect for myself and the possiblity of the boyfriend checking out my blog and actually understanding what I had written. he speaks English pretty well, but hates trying to read anything longer than a sentence.
It wasnt anything bad, but I wrote it at 3:30am after having consumed large quantities of red wine. and it wasnt the kind thing that a person in a relationship, even a rocky one, should be talking about.
again, I'm saying too much. lesson learned: do not drink and blog.
Not feeling so hot this morning obviously and awoke to find that I had no coffee left, or a whole lot of other groceries for that matter.
I'm supposed to be meeting friends at the beach in 45 minutes to play beach volleyball, and I really just want to stay in bed and eat greasy food.
will write more later, when i feel a bit more human....

Inspired

I totally believe in the cliche "everything happens for a reason". or everything happens in its own time, when it's supposed to or how it's supposed to. however you want to put it.

I mentioned in a previous post that i had recently started therapy or counselling because I honestly didnt know how to deal with the stress, and all the decisions going on in my life.

For months, I waited for my dog Peanut to finally tell me she was ready to let go, and then her passing 3 weeks ago. Also a long distance relationship that was potentially falling apart. (it's gotten better, but still not sure where it's headed)

We relocated to Jeju Island from Seoul, which is about an hour by plane, this past september. I wanted a change of pace. Actually I wanted to leave Korea, and head for a Greek Island, but decided I could do one more year because of the boyfriend. we initially moved to Jeju together, but he had to move back to Seoul for work. so now it's long distance. sigh.

When I moved, my apartment was severely downsized, (did I write this before? it feels like I did) and I mean I went from 2 bedrooms, livingroom and kitchen, to a bachelor apartment with a balcony view of the ocean*. (*selling feature)

my livingroom with my awsome red sofa last year and my Studio, below.

and....

My entire appartment this year.... it looks a litle different and better now- I put some love and care into it.

Of course, I didnt have room for my jewellery studio. So, once again, my career as jeweller was put on hold. I've tried a couple different times to get it going but to no avail.

location/ equipment set up/ noise factor have all played their part.

I kept telling myself "it's just one more year, and then you can find a bigger place and set up the studio again" but as my contract is soon up with this school, I've been pressured to make the decision to stay or go.

Most Public schools and universities in Korea do hiring in March or September, when the semesters start. So, my choices: I could take a 2-3 week vacation somewhere, possibly my parents home and re-sign for setpember, OR not re-sign and just go home for a while.... But then it was pressure from the boyfriend to move back to Seoul so we could scrap the long distance. .....on the other hand, I just bought a bike and a surfborad and was really looking forward to become a permenant resident on Jeju, where things are SO much more laid back. ( I learned to surf last summer and LOVED it)

my head is about to implode.What to do? where to begin deciding??

Enter the counselling sessions. (and the bottle of pills for the anxiety)

But as i mentioned, it;s funny how things pop up, turn out, or just appear suddenly in front of you while you pulling your hair out searching for answers.

As I newbie to blogging, I enjoy checking out other peoples blogs for ideas or as to how to make my page look nice, how to put links to stuff I like and things like that. I dont really know much about HTML code, but I've always been a writer- or a person who likes to write, well journalling actually. in private.

So then I come across Julie's blog "Moments of Perfect Clarity" and fell in love with how free she was with her thoughts on her blog. So I sent her an email asking for advice of how to be a better writer/blogger and how she got started and why, but never actually thinking I would get a reply.

The same day, I met a friend for dinner, who had a bunch of books that she thought might help me out- they had been left behind by another ESL teacher. One of them was called "Wrting to Heal the Soul" by Susan Zimmerman. It started out with the author talking about how she started writing to deal with her terminally ill daughter, but basically talked about writing just to "get it all out". ...hmmmm. (lightbulb is flickering above my head, but not fully on)

This morning, while having my coffee and doing my routine email and Facebook check, i was happily surprised to see an email from Julochka or Julie, mentioned above. She had taken the time to write me, a long, friendly and very helpful letter get me going. She told me about how she got started and why, and how writing lets her deal with her feelings*- I'm paraphrasing.

AND, that I had inspired HER to write her 700th post about just that- how and why people start blogging and tips for newbies.

Checking out her post today, and seeing my blog linked in her post made me feel, proud- that I had the courage to ask a such a well known blogger for advice, and that I was aknowledged and thanked for my question.

but it mostly inspired the hell out of me: to not be afraid to put my thoughts out there, to not care what other people think, and to start being able to heal myself through my own means.

and I'm pretty sure that falls into the category of "pretty damn cool".

Kudus Julochka and to all the awsome people who arent afraid to put their feelings out there.

xoxo

Inked

I've been wanting... no, ITCHING to get another tattoo for a while now. It'll be my 12th.

I want something on my feet. and the back of my calve. and the back of my neck.

The ones I have now are mostly black ink with shading, most with little to no color. sometimes color overwhelms me. I love color, but sometimes having to choose a specific color scares me. especially if it will be on my body. permanently.

I emphasize permenantly because I've already attempted to remove one of my tattoos. It was done when I was 20.

She* (I will not name the artist for obvious reasons) completely did what I didnt want her to, and ruined the design and my neck. I disliked it from day one. I had it touched up several times to try to make it better but it still sucked. and it was all in color.

It was my 4th. And I will assure you, that laser removal is not easy fun or painless. or cheap. But last year, being an "adult", making adequate income, I made the decision to have it lightened, and either permenantly deleted or have something put over it. this is now what it looks like after 3 laser sessions.

I dont have pics of the original because I never wanted show it off. It was a supposed to be a dragon with waves, and some chinese writing.

worst. tattoo. ever.

well, maybe I'm exagerating a little.... I've seen some pretty stupid tattoos, but in comaprision to all my others- which I love, this one is just sad :(

The countdown begins

I decided my last post was a little harsh, and I was having a bad day.
I do love Korea, for all it's quirks and faults, also for its beauty and uniqueness. My boyfriend is Korean... although he makes me want to punch things sometimes, but that might just be him and not his "Korean-ness".

I've also booked my plane ticket to go home for a few months to hang out with my sister in Vancouver, then Yellowknife to meet my niece Vyka Bean and nephew Shaeden for the first time, then Edmonton to see relatives and friends, and finally to my folks house in quiet, small town, Newfoundland. Yep, I'm a newf.

M journey home begins August 28th

My youngest sis Jenn with hubby T

My nephew Shae makin mischief with the dog

Shaeden with a mohawk! what a coooool kid!

My niece Vyka Bean

My other sister Jilly (mother of Shae and Vyka)

and finally, home in NL with moms and pops

If you're wondering right now if I have an accent, I do not. I left when I was young, and lived mostly in Halifax before coming to Korea (2003) and not all Newfs have an accent. although we do have an AWSOME dialect. We are also the only province in Canada to have it's own dictionary. http://www.heritage.nf.ca/dictionary/

When I'm drunk and around other Newfs, I can definetly break out the accent. Maybe when I'm home, I'll make a video of Newfie drunkeness :)

Speaking of going home... I've realised that I am now one of the last of all my friends that I went to high school or university with that hasnt gotten engaged, married, pregnant, bought a house, or become a mother. Does turning 30 mean I'm supposed to be on the way to something like that? Is it normal to really REALLY not want any of those things??

I need to get away from here

After 6 years in Korea, and my recent bought of homesickness that prodded me start this blog just 5 months ago, I have decided that it is in fact time for me to leave. Probably not permenantly, but for a couple of months for sure.

I know this because I have lost every morsel of patience for pretty much everything in my day to day life here.

I have been doing things to help relieve stress, and I am proactive enough to know that I needed advice from an unbisaed person. I had a "therapy "session with an American counsellor located in Seoul to help get some perspective. It did help. alot. I felt motivated to make some decisions I had been putting off- the biggest one being: getting the hell out of this country for a while.

I apologise if it sounds like I'm hating on Korea; I'm not. I know it's me, I know I'm burnt out. So re-signing my contract come September, would be a bad, bad idea.

Case and point:

I awoke this morning to 6 dead cockroaches on my indoor veranda, probably dead because of the spray I used to kill 2 last night. ugh. After arriving to school this morning, I found this blog http://http://underquarantine.tumblr.com/page/3 about a group of 50+ English teachers being held in quarantine for suspicion of contracting the swine flu.

The last couple of weeks have been similar to this. Not that either of these things are dramatic enough to put me over the edge, but day in and day out, lately there seems to be alot of things that just rub me the wrong way...

Anyways...

The part that really made me angry was the fact that a) I've been here long enough to know there is almost zero communication between the people in charge and people doing the work, which means, no one is really telling anyone anything. and b) the Korean government seems to be doing a good job of keeping the whole thing secretive- the Korean newspapers dont seem to have the exact details of or even how many are actually being held. I've posted some pictures from this guys Blog about being inside the quarnatine, but you should DEFINELTY read it for yourself. It's ridiculous. .... I need to go home for a while...

residential facility that is being used as quarantine

dealing with boredom

listening to one of the health officials tell them thay would have to be isolated to their own rooms 24/7. neat.